Case Vignette
She avoided the mirror where she could. It was just too hard. If she was honest with herself, it was more than too hard, the hatred and rage she felt at her own image was unbearable. Avoiding the mirror is what allowed her to put on a happy face, be loud and funny, as if her personality was big enough, people wouldn’t see her.
Hand in hand with her low self-esteem, came her anxiety. She felt wound up, ready to snap at all times, hyper aware of any possible criticism from those around her. It was like her negative self-esteem seemed to pour out in uncontrollable people pleasing. No praise or compliments eased it, the slightest sense of disapproval sent her into a panic attack. This too, was all hidden.
It’s been like this for a long time. Since she could remember. However, it was only when the toll of pretending, relentless people pleasing, and the harshness of how she treated herself became too much that she thought about counselling. To be honest, her motivation wasn’t truly about being happier, it was the fact that she started to become irritable to those around her and not showing up for her friends. That couldn’t go on.
In her counselling sessions, she couldn’t help but continue to “put on a show”. It was terrifying letting the truth out of her mouth. Here and there, she started to let slip the cruel way she talked to herself and then was overcome with shame for vocalising it and her body tighten with anxiety. Together, they worked on calming her nervous system and exploring her life. The more she shared, the safer she felt. One session, out of the blue, she just let go, and like a dam bursting let all the pain and self-hate out; the bullying, the teenage boys who made her feel less than, the exclusion from girls who were supposed to be her friends. She learned how she had internalised all these experiences and was terrorising herself with them. She learned about her inner critic, she learned how to manage it, and most importantly, she healed from her past. She still has a long way to go, but it’s becoming easier. She feels like she can breathe for the first time in her life.
If this story feels familiar or resonates with you, and you have decided to seek counselling for it, please feel free to read more through about me below to see if I am the right person for you.
I offer in person counselling services from my offices in Edithvale and Somerville as well as Australia wide online.
For more blogs, see below my most recent posts or explore the blog through by topic.
For privacy, this vignette has been woven from many different people’s experiences, to illustrate typical client presentations that I frequently
work with and is not a testimonial. Any resemblance to a single, actual person, is purely coincidental.